On this rainy Labor Day, the day before Treatment #2, I've been reflecting back on the past two weeks and thought I'd try to put in words (for posterity, I guess!!) how the last two weeks have been and what I've learned about myself, my support system and, most importantly, my faith. I apologize, in advance, if this gets too long.
I can honestly say that I was not nervous starting chemo. I don't know why I was not anxious facing the unknown, but somehow I went into that first treatment at peace with what was about to begin. Looking back over the past two weeks, I can honestly say that only Days 3, 4, 5 and 9 were what I would call "bad" days. I've had consistent stomach issues for the entire two weeks -- usually worse in the early morning hours. But again, this is something that is more of a nuisance rather than anything debilitating. Day 9 I felt like I hit the proverbial "wall," which kind of caught me offguard. But that was short-lived, and I've felt really good the last few days.
I have been "lifted up" by so many friends and family these past two weeks. We've had so much food brought in by friends, family and neighbors -- this weekend I did actually "cook", if you call making hamburger patties for the grill and throwing together slaw and baked beans cooking. LOL. This week our friends at church are bringing meals on Tuesday and Friday nights, so my cooking skills will be getting even rustier this week, I'm sure.
My appetite for the first 10 days after Treatment #1 was pretty nonexistent. I tried to eat a little of everything, but I especially enjoyed Teresa's mac & cheese, Frances' "fluff" salad, and Cindy's homemade chicken noodle soup -- definite comfort foods. I probably consumed a box and a half of banana pop icepops and several vanilla/blueberry swirl frozen yogurts. Those felt so good to my mouth. I did not get the usual mouth sores associated with chemo treatments, but I definitely have had, and still do, an extremely dry and, sometimes, uncomfortable mouth. The Biotene mouth products (rinse, toothpaste and gel) seem to be helping with these side effects.
Thinking we were going to the lake this past weekend, I had bought ingredients at Publix on Friday to make Texas Cavier. We ended up staying home. But on Saturday I decided to go ahead and make the Texas Cavier anyway. I wasn't sure how it would taste and/or agree with me -- especially since very few foods up to that point tasted normal! I cut the recipe in half and made it -- halajenas, green chilis, garlic, etc., and all! Everything I've read about chemo says to avoid spicy foods. LOL. The cavier actually tasted good to me -- high fiber and protein as well! It's now Monday afternoon, and I'm "pleased" to say that I have actually eaten the entire bowl by myself, with no signs of digestive problems. My body must need all that fiber and spice!!!
I think I actually lost six or eight pounds during the first week of chemo -- not because I was not eating, but because I obviously was not taking in nearly as many calories per day as I had been pre-chemo. However, since my appetite has definitely picked up, especially the last three days, I expect that I have gained back a few pounds -- such a shame since I obviously could stand to lose a bunch.
I think I've said this before, but it's so worth repeating: I have always known I'm loved, but I don't think I realized just how much. Since my diagnosis, surgery and treatment, I have been lifted up by so many people -- people that I didn't even know prior to my illness, people who I had lost contact with over the years, friends and family around me who have done so much for me -- I am so humbled!
Sometimes we don't even realize the impact we have on someone else, and this goes both ways, by what we do, what we say, or just how we deal with the stressors in our lives. Yesterday after church, one of my sweet friends, who has gone through so much the last few years, came up to me and told me what an encouragement I had been to her through this journey with my positive attitude. I told her that it's easy for me to be positive when I have so many friends and family holding my hands and, as my new favorite song by Martina McBride says, "lovin' me through this." What an encouragement her statement to me was. We are all here on this earth to encourage each other. When I'm down, others will pick me up; when someone else is down, I will be there to pick them up. Just doing the small things for someone else -- maybe a card, call, email, a simple word of encouragement -- means so much!!
I feel as though my faith is increasing day by day. I know my prayer life is so much better now than before. We are all dependent on God and, though I've always intellectually known that, I honestly, for maybe the first time in my life, realize
my dependence on Him and know that if it's His plan, I will be cured forever from this Beast!!
Tomorrow is Treatment #2. After tomorrow I will be 1/4 of the way through chemo treatments. This is definitely doable!!
Thank you, Lord, for putting so many wonderful people in my life.
Rachel
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
Ambrose Redmoon
Great blog! It will be interesting to go back and read this once you finish chemo and remember how you felt each time.
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